best. It was forecasted that it would start icing/sleeting about 4 - 6 am the following
morning."Of course," I said to him, "you won't actually go to work tomorrow." My husband replied, "We will see what it looks like in the morning." What?! I thought to myself. Can
he be serious? The freezing precipitation was to last about 20 to 24 hours. Starting with
ice then changing over to snow at some point. The lesser amount of ice, the greater
amount of snow. A range of .5" to 1" of ice and anywhere from 6" to 18" of snow. I wasn't
so much worried about him getting to work safely. I was worried about him being about to
get home safely.
As the evening wore on, more and more anxiety was building within me. Everyone was
going to be staying home from work (excepting emergency response and hospital staff).
Why would my husband risk his life for an office job? It didn't make sense. Even when
I was active duty in the Air Force, on days like that there was delayed reporting and
essential personnel only days. Safety first. This has been ingrained in me from a child
(being the daughter of a firefighter) through my training as a nurse and to my days in
the Air Force. Didn't everyone prioritize that way?
In the late evening, not be able to secure a definite, "Not going to work" from my
husband, I became physically sick. Was this one of the situations where one gets
a bad feeling that should be recognized as warning or was it just a overwhelming
response to fear? I struggled with this. Laying in bed, I couldn't go to sleep. I felt sick
to my stomach and had a lump in my throat. Not wanting to keep my husband awake,
I went to the family room to look at some emails. Jason came out to see if I was okay.
I told him I wasn't angry with him, I just was too upset to sleep and needed some
distraction and told him to go to sleep.
My imagination was running wild. I was imagining my life as a widow, raising two small children by myself, crying myself to sleep each night. I started crying. What was I doing?
I then picked up my Bible and read from John 15, my favorite chapter. I prayed for God's peace and then went to bed.
Why so much anxiety? Isn't God in total control? Aren't our lives in His hands? Are
not our footsteps guided by Him? Will He not provide for us in every way? Where
was my faith and trust in our wonderful God? This situation was totally out of my
control and there was nothing I could do about it. I had to trust God that He would
protect Jason, no matter what the next day brought.
The next morning, Jason woke me at 5:50 a.m. to let me know the roads were not in good condition and that he would work from home. I was so relieved. Content, I fell back to
sleep. A short hour later, he woke me again stating that people were in fact making it
into his workplace safely and he had to get going. What?! Okay, I told myself, this is
no time to argue. Just help him and trust God. Thinking ahead of the possibility that he
could get stuck at work (if we did get the foot and a half of snow), I suggested that he
take a change of clothes. He pulled out a bag, and I packed it with the change of
clothes, a pillow and toiletries. I also packed him a couple days work of food. My
man was going to be prepared. I kissed him good-bye, wondering in the back of
my mind if it would be the last time. Dramatic, I know, just being honest. He called
me when he arrived at work and I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank you, God.
I had an average morning with the kids, breakfast, playtime, lunchtime, and nap time. A
few minutes after I put the kids down from their naps, Jason called me (about 12:30) and
said that he was being sent home. My response was both relief and concern. It had been sleeting all day and had not changed over to snow yet. Road conditions were bad, but
on the upside, hardly anyone was out on the road. Jason called me (hands free, of
course) periodically, reassuring me he was safe and taking it slow. Although it took him
twice as long as usual, and he almost got stuck a couple times, he made it home without incident. To say that I was ecstatic to see him would be an understatement.
This experience revealed a weakness in me that was much bigger than I had admitted
to myself. There are areas that I trust God so completely and so fully. Why do I give in
to worry? God loves us so much and desires to give us a hope and a future. Jeremiah
29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and
not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
I am sure there will plenty of opportunities for me to exercise my growth in this area. I
can't say that I look forward to it, but I take comfort in Philippians 4:4-9:
"4Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;6do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."
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